When River Cries.
When River cries, it makes me mad, makes me want to just shut her up. It ain't her fault. She's innocent, all tore up with what they did to her, and that just makes me madder. 'Cause I want to be angry with her, tell her to quit it. And I can't. It ain't her fault. I'm the Captain of this ship, but I can't order her to stop bawlin'. Wouldn't do no good if I did.
When River cries, Jayne scoots away from her. He'll turn his back and I see his shoulders square. I think he wants to belt her one, to make her stop. Wonder if it's for the same reasons I do, but I doubt it. When River cries, Jayne just gets pissed and walks away.
When River cries, Inara approaches slowly on her knees and wraps the girl up in her arms, in her shawl, in the flow of her hair. She tries to comfort her, even while her eyes are up, on me. She's looking past me, trying to find Simon so he can make it all better, then back at me like she's thinking maybe I can make it better this time, but I don't know how. Never do.
When River cries, Zoe and Wash exchange glances, hold hands. Zoe's eyes get wide, her mouth frowns down. Scares me. Scares me more to see her vulnerable like that than it does me to see her rush into a room full of armed men with her guns out. Zoe don't scare Wash. He holds her hand, maybe kisses it, as he watches River cry. Sympathy fills his bright eyes, and a kind of sadness, and that hurts me, too, to see all his funnin' slip away in her tears.
When River cries, Kaylee runs. She'll run the entire length of the ship, callin' for Simon. Kaylee don't sit still, not hardly ever, but when River cries, she can't help herself but run away. She's sweet, gott all kinds of compassion, and I think if she weren't afraid, she'd be with Inara, holding and comfortin'. But as it is, when River cries, it scares her, shakes up her belief that everything in 'verse has something shiny to it, if you just hold up to just the right light. When River cries, Kaylee's sunshine ain't enough.
When River cries, Shepherd sits down and is still. I think he's prayin'. Well, suppose someone on this boat has to do it. I've seen him look at her sometimes, like she's one of those metalsmith puzzles, all pegs and rings and if he just looks long enough, the peg will slip through the right hoop and River will come all together whole again. There ain't a magic peg, so I guess prayin' will have to do.
When River cries, Simon rushes in, holds her hands, tells her it will be all right as he slides needles into her arms. Makes me want to hit him, too. Ain't no way of life, always being jabbed. But it works. River's tears slow and she'll slump on his shoulder as he rubs her back. I'll ask if she's okay and he'll nod. "Just a side effect" or "Just a bad moment". When River cries, Simon tries to be the brother, but in the end, he's the Doctor, where all the power of love in the 'verse ain't enough to do what one little hypo full of drugs will do.
When River cries, I look around. I see the people who mean most to me doing the things they do best and I aughta be proud of 'em. Aughta tell 'em so. But I don't. I pat Kaylee's shoulder as she walks past me back to the kitchen. I nod at Jayne as relief fills his eyes that another bout is over. Inara and I exchange a glance. I don't know what it means, but it's over too soon. I leave Zoe and Wash in their private place and sit down with Shepherd Book at the table. He looks at me and I look at him and I know he knows my secret.
When River cries, I feel like cryin' too.
- The End -Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutan Enterprises own all. I make no profit, (although I think that's because Jayne is stealing it when my back is turned.) Not my 'verse, I'm just flying in it.